I am so incredibly tired of not doing anything. When I was still in college I used to tell people of this time once I graduate where I have “1 year plus of nothing to do with lots of plans” and now that this time is finally here I feel so aimless. This is the first time since the day I have been born that I have more than 2 months of free time to kill and I would love to do so many things, so many radical, relaxing and new things but I do fear what will happen if I can’t make them a reality.
Once you start procrastinating, you just can’t stop. Each day slips away and you get more and more tired, more and more lazy. I’m so sick of studying for A-Levels, I do not want to go back to that. I want to actively participate in life. I want to have plans and a full schedule. It has not even been 2 weeks, only 11 days since my local collegiate career ended and I am so restless. I do not want to rest. Do not make me rest.
I say I am tired of not doing anything, yet in these 11 days alone I have watched several movies with family and spent time with them, caught up with a few friends I haven’t seen in ages, been on two separate challenging camping trips on both of which I was a staff member, working endlessly in between on my day and job and anything else I can find, been selected to go on overseas forums and preparing tirelessly to attend, appeasing the materialistic and creative side of me and trying trying trying to feel more grown up. Why do I still feel like I haven’t been doing anything? Why do I still feel like a goddamned kid?
It has been such a short time since I started this hobo life (thats what I’ve decided to call this next 1 year). 1 year is such a long time, and 11 days have passed and I’m already stressing out. One of my big concerns is money, to do things I still need cash, and I’m quitting my job once I leave for Korea because monetarily and in every other aspect its just not practical nor worth it in the long run. I want to make new friends and have different experiences, can someone tell me if this is supposed to take time? But why should I wait? Why am I waiting? I want to grow up right now damnit!
But I have a feeling the next few weeks are going to change things. I’m going to believe it will. In December of 2006 I looked up into a clear night sky and wished and wished with all my heart, and what I wished for came true. So I believe the same thing will happen now if I want it badly enough. I won’t bother to say exactly what because I’ve never really cared to be personal on my tumblr anyway, but next week onwards should change things. Must change things.
Please don’t stay at home and waste time. If I could take your wasted time and make it my own, I would.
